i really fucking hate what my life has become. i hate how i can’t just accept what i have and be happy anymore. i hate the feeling of not being sober minded, yet i also hate what runs through my thoughts when i’m sober. i hate how alone i feel all the time. i hate how my life has become a cycle of waking up, working a full day, crying myself to sleep, and then tossing, turning, and waking up all night.i hate how the lows feel lower than ever, and even the highs are still pretty low and unpleasant. i hate how there’s this boy who actually seems like a good guy yet i won’t even let myself trust him, and i keep holding onto the boy that i know isn’t good for me. i hate how i’ve lost interest in everything. i hate how i don’t even want to smoke weed or roll or drink or do ANYTHING to make myself feel better. there’s so much more to say but honestly, i’ve lost interest in finishing this. but to wrap it up very hastily i guess…..i’ve come to hate myself and my life. i don’t even know what’s keeping me from letting go anymore

1 june 2011